In my job there are three types of
customers. The first and most common type of customer is the one
that just wants to get their trash picked up. They don't care when,
where, or how I do this. They just want to put garbage in the can
and have it disappear before they run our of room to put more garbage
in the can. This system works out well because that is exactly what
I want to do. It would be my preference that I never see or hear
from my customers. Most of the time I pick up the garbage before
they are awake or while they are at work. The can is in the same
place every week and I dump it and leave it in the same place. Easy
easy lemon squeezy. Most of my problems at work come from the other
two types of customers.
The first and most typical problem
customers is the one that likes to watch me. The watchers come in
two forms. The kind that will walk right out and stand next to me to
watch me dump their trash and the kind that will peek out of the
blinds or hide in the shadows and watch me. The bold watchers
usually looks at what I do and quickly come up with a better way for
me to do my job. “You should lift with your legs and not your
back” “Wouldn't it be quicker if you parked on the other side of
the street” “Can't you come from the other direction” “Why
don't you get a different kind of truck” “Can't you make your
truck run quieter?” All these stupid questions are unnecessary and
a waste of my time to deal with. Most of the time I just feel like
saying if you could do better at this why don't you hop on board and
show me how it's done. I will sip on a cup of coffee and watch the
master at work. These customers tend to call and complain to the
boss the most often also. They say things like your garbage man
didn't put my can back in the right place, he drives to fast down my
driveway, and best of all he didn't get all the trash out of my can.
The answer to these complaints is.... your can is on the wrong side
of your driveway just to mess with you man, I was driving ten miles
per hour instead of five get a life, and there is some garbage still
in your can because it was frozen solid at 5 am and wouldn't come
out. Now that it is 5 pm and your home from work and it thawed out
all day of course it looks like we should have dumped it. Blahhhhhh.
The third type of customer and most
rare is the customer that wants me to watch them. These unicorns of
the customer world keep me on my toes and insure that weird fetishes
are alive and well in the world. These customers are usually ladies
and unfortunately always older in age. The tame exhibitionists will
do something like turn on the lights in their bedroom as soon as they
see my truck pull up and make sure they are in some level of undress
and the blinds are open as I approach to get the garbage. Most of
the time I can just focus on getting the garbage and overt my eyes
and we both get what we want. The customer gets the thrill of
thinking someone is watching them and I get to pick up the trash and
not be scarred for life. When I drive away the light goes off and
all is back to normal in the world. Issues come up when the
exhibitionists aren't so tame. The wild show ponies want to make
sure they are seen and want to see my reaction. These ladies
typically come running out of the house with their bathrobe only half
on, in their bra and panties, or just a t-shirt waving a bag of
garbage at me asking me to come and get it. I'm sure sometimes this
act is completely innocent and you just want your garbage to get
taken out, but when it happens every week that seems like you might
have a problem. Most of the time I can deal with these interactions
in a gentlemanly way and just look to the side or be quick about it.
But sometimes when a motion light comes on unexpectedly and I'm faced
with what looks like a fried egg nailed to a wall it leaves some
mental trauma that is above my pay grade.
Overall I like and enjoy all my customers and respect their individual quarks and can respect them while giving great service. I also strive to respect their privacy in much the same way a doctor or lawyer would hold personal information in privilege. I hope these stories can help shed light on what it is like for your garbage man when he picks up your trash each week.
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